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The Upside of Being a 44 Year Old Nomad

June 20, 2013

There’s a lasting pain that comes with moving out of one home and into another, a loss not quite like any other. It lacks the luxury of permanence that death provides and exists in a crooked orbit throwing off hot stars of guilt every so often for never quite making your way back like you promised.

Not for lack of want, but because of … life.

I always liked relay races when I was a kid. The passing of the beanbag. You run your leg of the race as fast as you can, eyes fixed on the scuffed orange traffic cone as you make it around and head back towards your cheering team. It’s exciting. It’s a full throttle sprint up and back, to the end of the line where you collapse in the warm grass.

I’ve felt like that for the last ten years. Grabbing the bean bag and running running, but every time I was almost home instead of taking my seat at the end of the line, I’d grab the next bag and take off again. Running. Always running. Always almost home.

It starts to sink in, eventually, that you may never get to rest. It’s a test of mettle, that race, and when you finally commit to the next lap, someone places hurdles on the track. But you keep running …

And then a day like today happens.

A day comes along when you realize that it was all worth it. Every step, every turn, every exhausting moment becomes a victory because each lap brought you closer to someone new. Brought me closer to you.  Maybe we were neighbors or had kids in class together or maybe we found each other through our shared stories. Maybe every single step has been as it should have been because without each one, true or misguided, I might have missed out on you.

I’m 44 years old today and have never felt so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by so many beautiful human beings.

You make me possible.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.



4 Comments leave one →
  1. Candace Mann permalink
    June 20, 2013 3:36 pm

    oh, man. friends like you, the ones who feel about the place they occupy in each others’ hearts and lives, are like those coins from lovely, faraway places that live in a blue dish on my dresser so I can see them every day.

  2. Sally permalink
    June 20, 2013 5:12 pm

    Miss you and that crazy hubby of yours! Happy, happy birthday!

  3. Bill S. permalink
    June 20, 2013 8:31 pm

    44? Really?

    You don’t look a day over awesome, girl.

    I can’t possibly express to you how grateful I am that you read my posts, answered my comments and unfailingly gave me your opinion on things. I can honestly say that, thanks to your generosity of spirit, I am a better writer today than I was that first time posted on OS.

    Some day, I hope to be half as good as you are. Rock on, little lady.

  4. Cheryl B permalink
    June 21, 2013 7:19 am

    Loved your blog! You and your family can definitely relate to how military families feel! You are an amazing lady with a beautiful family! Miss ya girl!!

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