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True Story: Long Long Distance

May 22, 2012

A strange thing happened today.

I answered the phone this morning and someone said, “Hey.”

I responded with the same.

She said, “Ann Marie?”

“Yes,” I replied.

Again. “Ann Marie?”

I couldn’t place the voice. “Who is this?”

“It’s Mom.”

A normal person would probably think this through for a minute. Excuse herself. Say wrong number. Not this Ann Marie.



Then I got all kooky-talking. “My name is Ann Marie, but my mom is dead. ::sob sob sob:: You have the wrong number! My number is blah blah blah. My name is Ann Marie, :: sob sob sob:: but you have the wrong number ….

Lather. Rinse. Repeat (with subtle gasping sounds).

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry” She couldn’t say it enough times.

Then it happened. Again. Remember **the wig**? Oh Lawd. I started laughing. Then cackling.

“I’m so sorry. Oh my God, I am so sorry. Are you okay?” She was totally mortified.

As if the first fit of laughter wasn’t inappropriate enough, I ramped it up a bit with some delicate snorting. “I’m okay. I swear I’m okay. It’s okay.”

“I really am sorry.”

At this point, I’m feeling bad for the lady on the other end. Really bad. “No, it’s okay. I swear. Have a great day.”

Have a great day? Who says that?

Thanks for this horrifying experience of mutual emotional trauma. Have a great day.

But you know me … I just laughed a little more, ate a Milky Way, and got on with it.

(I may not get calls anymore) but I do get that from my Momma.

UPDATE (5/23): This Universe is a very bizarre place.


14 Comments leave one →
  1. May 22, 2012 9:37 pm

    Just wait until MY Mama starts calling.

    • May 22, 2012 10:03 pm

      Won’t be long. I’m just like I’ll Have Another … Sliding right into first place.

  2. May 22, 2012 10:24 pm

    Now u gotta watch for ghosts in the house!!!!

  3. May 22, 2012 10:46 pm

    Oh, that is a bittersweet story and made me miss your Mom for you (and miss my own while I was at it)…love your writing.

    • May 23, 2012 9:08 am

      I ❤ you, Mary! Hope you are doing well. Call me!

  4. Owl Says Who permalink
    May 22, 2012 10:50 pm

    Okay…here’s the thing…only you could sob, then laugh, then comfort the wrong number caller, then sincerely wish her a great day…then write about it so wonderfully that I’m reading this to my wife as soon as I finish commenting. Kudos for getting such awesomeness from your mom. Double kudos for sharing… 😉

    • May 23, 2012 9:10 am

      Thank you! It was the oddest thing. I’m still kind of turning it over in my head today. Very strange. But, what’s even more strange is that right after the call, I sort of blocked it out … just forgot about it totally for about six hours. I am such a weird girl.

  5. May 23, 2012 4:25 am

    I am such a fan of your mom…but mostly a fan of you and how you tell your mom stories.


    • May 23, 2012 9:11 am

      I have a few, but nobody tells a Mom story like Deven. She’s the master.

      And I amd a fan of YOU! So proud of your run! Keep it up! I know the girls were totally thrilled to have you out there with them 🙂 xoxo

  6. abedorapirate permalink
    May 23, 2012 7:04 am

    I don’t know, Annie…I think your Momma set the whole thing up just to let you know she’s still around and thinking of you. Hopefully Ann Marie’s mom will recover soon. No doubt she’ll dial extra carefully next time! Love you, and love this story. XOXO

    • May 23, 2012 9:13 am

      You know, I almost called TOAM’s mom back yesterday evening. I really was concerned. You should have heard her voice. It was just terrible. BUT, that would have been icing the crazy cake with crazy. Too much crazy gives everybody a headache. I bet she does dial more carefully from now on. Bless her heart!

  7. Susan permalink
    May 23, 2012 9:37 am

    I love you for being able to turn this into, “…the horrifying experience of mutual emotional trauma” that ends with you telling the poor lady “Have a great day.”

    Only you, Annie dear. Only you.

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